Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Such a Bad Thing

Is it such a bad thing to have many interests?  Is it such a bad thing to be a little queasy about locking myself into a career that I'm not even sure I will really like?  Is it such a bad thing to want to try something new?  Is it such a bad thing to assume that I would be just as good at something else as I am at what I do now?  Is it such a bad thing to want to learn about Math and Science when I pledged hatred toward it 4 years ago?


The world is a beautiful place, but one funny thing about it is that at age 21, somehow, we are deemed "old."  Too old.  WHAT?!  In a day and age where the average life span is a lot older than it was even 50 years'd THINK that that would buy you more time.  But no.  You go to college as a 17-18 year old, when you are obviously SO MATURE and know EXACTLY what you will want to do for the rest of your life, and then the powers that be force you to choose a major if you are seeming "indecisive."  You have to cram as many classes (not to even mention the classes you might want to try out for interest's sake--psh, why would ANYONE want to do that?) as you possibly can in 4 years. 

If you are a music major, you have a very limited time to study because of all your practicing that you must do.  Thus, your GPA tends to suffer if you're the type that has to study a lot for good grades, therefore, locking you in even more to stay with music for the rest of your life.  Lawschool?  Out of the question.  Change majors?  Who would want you?  Take some other classes just for fun?  Where can you find enough time?  Social life?  If you mingle with anyone outside the music school, good luck being consistent with it.

I loved music all growing up.  I never imagined wanting to do anything else.  I was so lucky; I had my answer!  Right?  Right?!  Well, turns out that when I figured out that I'm actually smarter than I thought I could be, my interests started to travel to other fields.  The more impossible those interests seemed to be available to me, the more I wanted them.  I felt like a prisoner, looking out on a beautiful world of opportunity.  I would go back and forth, all the time feeling like I was choosing between right and wrong.  I still love music, but I feel like a kid growing up on just vanilla ice cream.  Vanilla is a great flavor, probably one of the best, but how could I ever know that without trying out other flavors?  But I'm being told that I'm too old. 

My main point is, I feel smothered.  I love the flute, really.  But I feel like if I do it much more (study it in school) I will grow to hate it.  And I don't want to hate something that is so beautiful.  I don't want to stop learning, but I would really like to learn about something else, so that I can broaden my scope on the world. 

Is that such a bad thing?  To want to be happy?  Especially while I still have a long life before me (hopefully) and I still have time?

Venting by yours truly,


  1. Amber, how do you get inside my brain like that? I have said this before, but I could literally copy and paste what you just wrote on my blog, changing flute to bassoon, and it would be the exact truth. Hang in there girl, you're on your last semester. You can do WHATEVER YOU WANT for grad school. Heck, you don't even have to do grad school. You are so close to finishing what you started and you are NEVER too old to try something new, it just might be a little work. You're such a hard worker though that you'll do excellent in whatever you decide to do. The whole world is yours Amber!

  2. I'm with Tairsa, Amber! You might have to find different ways to approach things, since you're SO old, but you can do whatever you want to! Take a break from the flute and study something new. I've learned from experience that things are a little harder the older you get, but the world is changing, and I think it's getting easier to branch out.

    Good luck!!