Friday, September 23, 2011

Something's Got to Give

For those of you who know me well, I am an extremely passionate person. If you don't know me that well, this may not be obvious to you because either 1. I am too busy to look like I sincerely love every second of what I'm doing each day or 2. I may come across as a bit shy sometimes, even though I'm really not.

I love my life, really. I love being able to get enough sleep each night. I love my classes and projects that have been assigned to me. I love the way that graduate school is pushing my brain so hard that I don't feel like I know anything about music anymore. I love playing the flute more than ever, because I feel like I just broke through this massive brick wall that was threatening to limit me in my performance for the rest of my life. (See here for details of my epiphany.) I love how I am growing to understand music better, and to see the big picture. I love how I am able to read the scriptures and philosophize about them with Matt each night. I love teaching flute--never in my life have I done anything with my music that is more instantly rewarding. I love exercising and discovering what my body can do physically. I love the thrill of competitions...all parts of it: looking through them, deciding which ones I want to do, signing up for them, purchasing new music, learning new music, and being able to distance myself from being nervous on stage and focus solely on letting those judges experience how much I love what I do. I love EVERYTHING!

Sadly, there are only 24 hours in a day, and for a typical college student, finances are limited. How much money can I spend traveling around the country playing for people? How much extremely difficult music can I cram into my brain in a matter of weeks? How much time can I sit there and think critically about the words "sonata form" before I have to move on in my textbook reading?

I feel like I'm in a situation where one thing has to give each day. Just one...whether it be sleep, practicing all that I want to, exercising, teaching, schoolwork, spending time with Matt, or eating. Why can't I do all of these things in one day? I guess life is like a gopher know that one where you have a rubber hammer, and you pound the gophers into the ground, and one of them has to pop up? So, the game I'm playing these days is alternating which thing has to give each day.

Moral of the story: I'm in love with my life, but I just can't handle it all. Hey, I'll take it!

1 comment:

  1. Amen, sister! I'm feeling the same way right now. I love my life, and I love everything I'm doing... but I've got to give something up. And it scares me, because no matter what it is I'm going to disappoint people. Yikes...