Monday, March 7, 2011

I just feel like bein' lazy

Sometimes I'm so pumped on a Sunday afternoon about my upcoming week that I take a piece of paper, draw out a week calendar, and write out every single hour of every day. Yep, the whole 24 hours. Then I write down exactly what I will do in each hour. This process takes about 35 minutes. Monday comes along, and I look at my caldendar, all happy with myself. I'm obedient to what I promised, and I don't miss a single thing on my list. I even write down which hours I'm going to sleep. I know, I'm psycho.

What happens next is that my eyes won't close at 8:30pm like I wrote down they would. I can't fall asleep until 10:30, and I waste 2 precious sleeping hours. Rats!

I wake up the next morning, look at my list, and say FORGET IT! I'm doing what I want, WHEN I want. I then go throughout the rest of the week in rebellion of my restricting and unforgiving schedule. I throw away the list and walk slowly from class to class, smiling at the sun and smelling the roses.

Come Friday, I'm pulling my hair out and wishing I would have been a little more obedient to my calendar. But Friday is play time. Friday is relax-after-school-day. Friday is rent-a-movie-and-cuddle-with-your-sweetie evening. Somehow I can't bring myself to be a slave to work on Friday, because soon I'll be on a three-week long tour without my husband on the other side of the world, and I'm sort of dreading being away from my personal bodyguard and my best friend. So on Fridays I soak up all the time that Matt can spare to be away from his law studies and I enjoy every moment of it.

Why does it feel like when I'm 100% productive 100% of the time, I feel like crap? When I'm 50% productive 100% of the time, I still feel like crap. But when I'm 100% productive 50-70% of the time, that's when life is wonderful. I'm trying to find that balance. I'll get there one day...maybe.

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